Priorities

If you've ever almost done something monumentally stupid, you've probably had a quick vision of your averted doom flash through your brain.
Being the well-wired individual I am, in my case this is usually followed by a slow-mo replay and the equivalent of a 'five years later' extrapolation.

Last night, completely buggered, a little tipsy and a touch too carelessly, I gathered up my laptop and headed for bed. On my way out of the lounge room I stepped on a pair of shoes I had forgotten were there and couldn't see through my precious 'puter.
For a second I was on the verge of being flung forward and my only thought was "No! Laptop smash!"

As I recovered myself and breathed a sigh of relief, my brain considerately pointed out to me that the only way I could have protected my interwub-box would have been to hold it out and up as I arched my back, ensuring that I would hit the hard-wood floor groin first and would probably break my pelvis.

I envisioned myself in a 'death-by-snoo-snoo' style cast trying to explain to my friends and employer exactly what had happened and how I would need some help with my 'special needs'.
Not the fun kind.
I became bitter and twisted and eventually grew to resent my laptop, poisoning our relationship...

Somewhere in a parallel universe I look like a croquet hoop and have to pee standing up.
In this universe, I'm just mental.