I Aten't Dead

*Sidles back onto the internet*

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey guuuuuuuuuuuuys...

So, OK, I might have gotten a bit carried away and spent... wow... 13 months reading stuff on the internet instead of doing anything else on the internet.

I found a few blogs whose archives I tore through, which led to other blogs which led to collections of short stories that led to collections of longer stories that led to stories long enough to consider books and of course I had to read all of them as well and all this was liberally interspersed with trying to get all the way back to the first post of several tumblrs and some people post so much stuff to their tumblrs that by the time you wake up the next morning the page number you were up to the day before is now showing stuff from four days ago and you aren't so much catching up as being buried alive...

I became straight up obsessed with 'finishing'.

Finishing each blog, each tumblr, each author's selection of stories, each set of stories in a particular genre or collection.

All of it.

I have no idea where it came from.

I haven't been obsessed with anything like that in years and never for that long.

I would have read millions of words worth of fiction and non-fiction while at the same time reading nothing that could be added to my Reading List.

I achieved very little else last year.

Didn't watch many TV shows or movies, did no sewing or drawing, tried fewer new recipes, didn't keep up with my Italian, did very little knitting.

Just made a concentrated effort to READ THE ENTIRE INTERNET!!! 0_0

But I think I'm OK now.

I honestly had a 'the fog lifted' moment and almost full on Ebenezer Scrooge 'You, boy, what day is this!?' style noticed the rest of the world.

Enthusiasm for and interest in other things came flooding back in.

I hadn't by any means felt myself to be depressed, just mysteriously fixated to the exclusion of all else.

The crazy thing is that the entire time I was staring slack-jawed at the pretty screen, I was taking notes for things I wanted to write and projects I wanted to start but popped them to the side because meh, I'd get to them later when I was done.

So now that I've blinked myself awake like Rip Van Winkle I'm going to start posting again.

I'm also going to try post things for all the ideas I had but didn't use and post them up listed when I would have posted them if I hadn't been in a trance state.
These I will clearly mark as backdated posts because I very definitely was not anything approaching productive during that time and I'll not pretend otherwise.

So, yes, hello!

I am in fine health, I've had no negative life events, I just drifted away like a beagle who has locked on to a scent and have now finally found my way back.

I hope you've all been more engaged in the world than I have and look forward to seeing what you have all been doing while I was in my zombie-like state.

And because you can never have enough Nanny Ogg or Granny Weatherwax...

(I swear, if I could find these for sale I would snap them up faster than you could say 'MINE!!!')

Lazy Meals

[This is a backdated post] 

Lazy meals is a very broad category that can span from both ends of the quality spectrum.

Sometimes 'lazy meal' means 'I had some frozen portions of lasagne in the freezer for just this kind of occasion'.
Other times it means 'I put slices of jarlsberg onto salt and vinegar pringles and called it a day'.

There are lazy meals like 'frozen veg fried rice' where you cook up some rice and some frozen veg, add some soy sauce and call it a day*.

There are lazy meals like 'bung some chicken nuggets and some chips on an oven tray and set the timer'.

Some days you don't have time to cook.

Some days you don't have the energy to cook.

Some days you don't have the groceries to cook.

Some days you are feeling too petulant and shitty with the world to cook.
Or to have anything that contains vitamins.
Or to do what anyone tells you to do.
Even if that someone is the part of yourself that knows you're being a bit ridiculous right now.

Lazy meals can be a matter of convenience, a form of comfort food, a trip down memory lane to your student days**, a combination of all three, or just for the hell of it.

This is an awfully philosophical and roundabout way to tell you that I'm eating stellini pasta with butter and shaker parmesan for dinner but, y'know, it's all a matter of perspective.



*Unless you're me, in which case you stir through some grated mozarella and then call it a day.

**If you had them. No judgement if you didn't. Then they'd be your 'first house where I could eat what I wanted and/or was on a tight budget' days.

Things I Am Looking Forward To When I Get My Braces Off

• Spending 90% less time wondering if there is something caught in my teeth.
• Nougat
• Being able to bite directly into things
• Nougat
• People over 60 not assuming I'm 15*
  
• Nougat
• Not getting the odd bit of cheek caught on the odd bit of metal
• Nougat
• Being able to floss my teeth without needing guiding apparatus
  
• Nougat
• Not suddenly realising I've been making weirdo faces at people as I absent-mindedly probe my braces with my tongue
• Nougat
• ...
  

I am going to eat the hell out of some Europe bars...





*The braids I've been sporting of late may have been contributing to this particular misconception

Baldy And The Beast

Whilst I may never have the money or inclination to see all the performances I regularly vow that I'm going to attend I have been seeing steadily more of them in the last few years, mainly by distracting certain parts of my brain with bright colours and sparkling lights until I've already made the bookings and it's too late for them to back out.

It isn't that I don't enjoy live performances and live music - I adore them - but for some reason there's always been a little bit of me that seems to spend all its time checking its watch and wondering when it can get back to doing nothing much or being nowhere in particular.
It is a part of myself that usually makes me quite quite cross and which I am determined not to let rule my life.

So in my latest bout of 'Shut The Heck Up Stupid Pedestrian Loser Lobe' I bought tickets to take my parents to see Bill Bailey and to take my sister and her fiance to see a theatre production of The King and I.

Bill Bailey - Monday 19th of July
No matter how many times I see Bill Bailey*, he always manages to surprise me. He always has fresh material, he revels in audience participation (even when it goes terribly, terribly wrong) and he is a genuine genius with music. He performed Gary Numan's cars on a series of bike horns, his spiderweb like cape of hair flying along behind him as he honked energetically in a way that required both my parents to take their glasses off to wipe away tears of laughter.
Some comedians you get the feeling that secretly they'd quite like you get piss off and that if you don't laugh at an adequate volume they're wishing cancer upon you.
Not only does Bill Bailey not exude a cancer cursing aura, he enjoys himself, he's honest without giving too much of himself away and he constantly plays with you, letting you see that he's smarter than you suspected before lulling you easily back into a goofy grinning daze.
One of the wonderful things about people with multiple genuine passions is that it gives them a lot of material to work with and they're eager to share things with you, sometimes things you'd wish they'd kept to themselves but which you just can't stay angry with them about.
If you get the chance go see him, he's a joy**.


The King & I - Saturday 24th of July
My sister and I have always loved this movie - and admittedly get a little bit starry eyed about Yul Brenner and his flashy impressive wardrobe*** - so when we found out that there was going to be a performance in Melbourne the tickets almost bought themselves. Brother-in-law-to-be knows that marrying my sister bring with it certain responsibilities and is also a bit of a musical chap himself so he was happy to come along.
The amount they manage to do in the confined space of a stage and with props and sets that can be easily moved between and sometimes during scenes will always excite me about the theatre. It doesn't take away from the illusion, it reinforces the creativity and fun of the thing.
Strangely enough I think the one thing they did stay absolutely true to were the King's outfits for each scene which was a nice touch. You don't want people trying to rigidly impersonate a movie to perfection, if you wanted to see that you'd just watch the movie again.
As usual with stage performances based on films****, there were a few songs added to give some of the minor characters more time on stage and to give a bit of a different interpretation. This all had a couple of old dears sitting near us muttering - not as quietly as they thought - "I don't remember this from the movie!" and "They're just funning around, you know directors,".
I have of course had the songs stuck in head for days now but it was worth it.



*OK, this is only the second time live but DVDs and televised comedy showcases count too...

**I was going to write 'cracker' here (an English/Australian term that means good'un, in the same vein as some older folk would use the description 'cracking good time' but have been reliably informed that in the US this is a racial slur that means 'white people' and whilst that is perfectly accurate it might have been a bit confusing that I was insisting it was a reason to attend his performance.

***And washboard abs.

****And suddenly Disney films, now I come to think of it... Stop messing with a classic Disney! Nobody wants to hear 'Human Again'! There's a reason it was left out of the original cut!

The Nerdiest Thing

I've always known I was kind of lazy.

And I've always known I was kind of nerdy.

But it wasn't until I decided to buy a new bed way back when that my laziness met my nerdiness to form a perfect storm.

I was trying to decide whether I should buy the mattress I'd chosen in the double bed size or go all out and get the queen bed size.

I knew I'd have to work out whether I could fit a queen-sized bed into my bedroom and what I would have to do with the rest of my furniture once it was in there.

I couldn't be bothered actually moving my furniture.

So I measured the room and the furniture.

And did this...






And it all made sense at the time...

And it did work...

But...

There's a level of self-knowledge that you don't necessarily need to achieve...

From which there is no going back...

Will it encourage me to be a more efficient nerd?

Or a lazier person?

Who Me?

I managed to crap out on my hectic 'once a week' posting schedule.
But I have a good reason.
I was at the beach.

What's that?
Well, yes, the town in question did have a magical portal to the land we call internets.

Pardon?
Yes, yes I am just a lazy hussy who was drunk on sand, surf and... well drinks, to be frank.

Am I properly ashamed of myself?
Well I was raised Catholic so I always feel vaguely guilty about something but I suppose, yes, I am.

What am I going to do about it?
*sigh* I'll post two things this weekend and make a note in my weekly planner to stop sucking. OK? OK.

Huh?
No this is not one of the bloody posts! I'm not that freaking lazy! *

*This is a lie but on this occasion I will overthrow my natural tendencies and produce two more posts to follow this one before the weekend is out.