Friday 23 November 2007

Stop Denying It. The Television Already Dictates Your Schedule To You Via The Television Guide...

It took me a while to work out what was going on but I've finally clicked.
My television has become that annoying person at everyone's office who keeps running over to insist they have something hilarious to tell you or show you.
They've always had the 'you will never believe what happens next time on Generic Drama' advertisements but now their cheese has slipped completely off their cracker.

They have a television show which is entirely comprised of showing us clips that they've found on YouTube.
That's the whole show.
Oh apart from some awful banter between some idiots who came to their position of fame and prestige by either appearing on Big Brother - dear God when will it stop - or from hosting another stupid game show type thing where they ran 'challenges' similar to the intellectually stimulating endeavours that participants on Big Brother apparently had to go through. Both shows were introduced to fill the vast gaping hole in people's lives that were left when actual Big Brother went off the air.
We aren't even able to browse the internet by ourselves any more without someone else showing us how or for what. The television is jiggling up and down by our elbow telling us that we just have to watch this video of a kitten wearing a tiny hat because it's sooo cute!

The very next thing likely to be brought to that section of the public that has been broken by the Reality TV assault is going to be a television show hosted by the same range of 'basket short of a picnic' hair-gel addicts where they just sit there and read out humourous email 'forwards' that they've found online.
You think I'm joking don't you.

It's only a matter of time before you flick on your TV one day and there's just a close up of one of these goons just sitting there grinning at you. There will be options on your newly customised remote control so that you can have little conversations with them via multiple choice options that flash up on the screen.
It will no longer be enough to watch people fart arsing around sunbathing, swearing at each other, sleeping, blobbing about in the hot tub or hooking up in grainy night vision camera sight.
Society will slowly become unable to actually relate to people they haven't been able to watch like stalkers and will need to simulate a relationship with these people they 'know so well' and gradually the actual people that they meet will seem less real than these 'press button friends' and they may discard reality entirely in favour of Reality...

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