Saturday, 12 July 2008

Hey, Did I Leave A Blog Post Around Here? It's About This Big...

It's no picnic being absent-minded.

Sure you get a decent amount of exercise as you wander endlessly through the house trying to remember where you were going and why but there are drawbacks as well.

  • Self-Inflicted Social Alienation
  1. Step One. Almost give yourself heart failure when you get back to your car and realise that the laptop you had carefully camouflaged with environmentally friendly shopping bags is gone.
  2. Step Two. Scare the crap out of a small child and his unamused mother as you start to swear like a sailor and perform a frantic little dance whilst trying to work out how anyone managed to steal anything from a locked car.
  3. Step Three. Finally remember that you stopped off home before going to the shops and your laptop is safely there and have to come down off an adrenaline high as those around you try to decide whether you are epileptic, schizophrenic or have Tourette's before they finally settle on 'you're just a weirdo'.

  • Outing Yourself as Pants-On-Head-Retarded*

    "Holy crap..."
    "Holy crap!"
    "What? What is it!?"
    "I can't find my phone! It's not in any of my pockets or my bag! It's just not there! It's gone!"
    "Oooooooooooookay, then what are you talking to me on?"
    "What? I... Oh. Oh right. Heh."

  • You Always Assume You've Forgotten Something
  1. This may sound helpful but means that you end up looking for things on the off chance you might remenmber what they are when you see them.
  2. You will check that you've locked the front door three times before you leave the house because your short term memory always cuts out halfway down the stairs/driveway/street.
  3. You will realise that you were right and you did forget something but this will happen when you're either halfway to your destination or have arrived and it is too late to do anything about it.

Though to be fair there are some definite advantages.


  • Being Forgetful Could Be Mistaken For Existential Philosophy And Net You Some Hot But Pretentious Party Booty

    "Why am I here?
    "What am I looking for?"
    "Where am I meant to be?"

  • It Cuts You Some Slack For Being An Inconsiderate Ass-Hat

    "Oi! Where are you?"
    "Um, at home watching The Mighty Boosh. Where are you?"
    "I'm down at the pub where you're supposed to be."
    "You said you'd meet me at the pub at 7pm on Friday."
    "... Is it Friday?"
    "Oh for the love of- *sigh* Are you coming now?"
    "Yeah, gimme 10 minutes."

  • You Probably Won't Notice When You Actually Start To Lose Your Marbles
  1. Slip further and further into good natured befuddlement.
  2. Get quite excited when the nurses take it in turns to explain that you are actually Amelia Earhart, Marie Curie, Hugh Heffner or Evil Knievel.
  3. Believe them implicitly when they tell you that you're "going home" and quite enjoy the slide show of green fields and waterfalls and the like until the spiked drink kicks in and you get sent off to the Soylent Corporation.

And of course if you completely forget what you'd been planning to write about this week you can always write about having a mind like a sieve and hope that anyone reading this does as well so they won't notice when you do it again a few months down the track.

*Oh Yahtzee, you visionary poet!

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