Saturday, 13 September 2008

The Knee Bone May Be Connected To The Thigh Bone But What Should I Do With This Shirt?

Many moons ago I used to op shop*, I used to op shop like a crazy person.
Not because I like to get all whimsical and think about who might have owned the clothes before me**, I just like second-hand clothes.
They've already been broken in, you're less likely to bump into anyone wearing anything like what you're wearing*** and you don't have to go into the other shops with the scary folk and the teeth-grating repetitive music****.

Having recently found my way back into this interesting rummage-fest way o' life, I decided at the same time to try and reorganise my clothes for maximum efficiency only to find that I'm all crippled up with annoying overcomplications.
This is a basic run-down of the clothing classifications I've come up with so far in an attempt to cope.
  • Stand-alone - You would look stupid wearing anything else with this, like a bag lady and not in a Derelicté fashionable way. Just don't try it, you haven't the skills to pull it off.
  • Base - You can't wear this by itself, you will look like a hooker, but it is a good thing to wear other things on top of (especially if the other things have a plunging neckline).
  • Mid-layer - You can't wear this by itself, you will look like an early 90s pop singer, put something on underneath it for heaven's sake!
  • Outer - Usually a cardigan-type thingie that can go on top of other thingies, plays well with others.
  • Either/Or - Possibly a base, can be a stand-alone, maybe a mid-layer, probably not an outer, this item of clothing writes tortured poetry in silver ink on black paper about being misunderstood.
  • Jacket - This is a jacket, doi.
  • Accessories - Oh Jesus, no! You are not ready for those! You can barely dress yourself, you're lucky you're being allowed shoes!
And that's not even taking into account pants*****.

This is probably the wrong way to go about things.
Next thing I know I'll find myself drawing up graphs and pie-charts that show the frequency of wear or patterns of item rotation and assigning the clothing cross-referencing ID numbers so that it's easy to coordinate when...

Y'know what, I'm just going to go back to getting dressed when half awake.
I'll leave them all in their exciting new categories but let the blissful blur of semi-consciousness dictate everything else.
The other way madness lies.

*Op shop = opportunity/charity/second-hand clothes store. Yes, yes I used it as a verb.
**Y'know I don't think I've ever thought about that until typing that sentence. Huh, how about that. As that kind of musing can lead to thinking that things may be haunted. Have I mentioned that before? That things that aren't under imminent threat from zombies or axe-murderers may be haunted? Just so you know.
***This may not be something that you're too worried about.
****Though you may be confronted by some older ladies with fearsome moustaches or people with truly awesome anime-inspired hair-dos.
*****My learning on the road to clothing enlightenment concerning pants has gotten as far as 'if you are wearing pants that have a striped pattern on them DO NOT wear a shirt that has stripes on it. Or else.'

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