Until Then

Sam felt guilty.
All the time.
About everything.
He felt guilty about throwing away plastic cutlery that hadn't broken yet.
Even if he'd never use it again.
Because it was still functional.
Whereas once it reached the landfill it would just be pollution.
He felt guilty about people starving.
People hurting.
People homeless.
He wanted to help.
But he had no more money to give.
And he felt guilty about that too.
He felt guilty about people with diseases that had no cure.
He felt guilty that he couldn't cure them himself.
He felt guilty that one day he would die and that his loved ones would mourn his death.
He felt guilty that he couldn't wait for that day to come.
He longed for nothingness.
Blackness.
Oblivion.
The absence of thought that would bring him freedom.
But until then.
Sam felt guilty.