I just... #@*%$&@*!
This morning I boiled the kettle, grabbed the little coffee pot and started taking apart the plunger in order to wash it properly before using it again.
The little nut bit at the end slipped out of my hand, bounced across the bench and fell into the sink.
'Maybe it'll just sit there!' I thought, desperately, 'Maybe the plug is in!'
Plonk! went the stupid little nut bit as it fell down the plug hole and came to rest in the U-bend under the sink.
There was some swearing.
Quite a bit of swearing.
But fine, I'm an adult, these things happen, I'll now use my adult human brain to rectify the situation.
It's not brain surgery after all.
All I need to do is unscrew the U-bend section from the pipe, empty it out and find the nut thingy.
So I emptied out the cupboard under the sinks, unscrewed the top and bottom connections for the U-bend section, went to remove it and...
... are you shitting me?
Are you, in fact, shitting me?
What genius decided that it would be a good idea to cut a hole for the U-bend to rest in that makes it NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE to ease free a working part of a plumbing system that could quite routinely need to be accessed?
You know what would have been smart?
CUTTING A LARGER HOLE!
The only way to get the U-bend out is to unscrew the entire array.
So I do that.
I remove the pipes that are screwed to the bottom of the sinks and with a lot of wiggling and jiggling and some more swearing, I finally get the U-bend free and tip it out to retrieve the little nut bit.
Oh. My. God. The. Smell.
And what is this gunk in here? UGH!
OK, where's the bottle brush, I am scrubbing all of this stuff out before I put it back together and WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT, DON'T RUN THE WATER INTO THE SINK WHOSE PIPES YOU ARE FIXING! OH NOW THERE'S WATER EVERYWHERE!
Fine, just throw down a towel, worry about that later. The pipes are clean and now you have to stick them back together.
Stick the U-bend back into its stupid hole... into its stupid... just a bit... GET IN THERE YOU BASTARD! WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET THE SHORT END BACK UNDERNEATH THE WALL FIXTURE OUTLET BIT? ARGH!
OK, done that bit.
Now I just have to get this cross-section-y piece back under the right-hand sink... just... go on... WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO FIT YOU BACK IN THERE? YOU CAME APART EASILY ENOUGH AND NO YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD! NO YOU DID NOT JUST KNOCK THE WASHER FROM THE TOP OF THE U-BEND SECTION INTO THE TOP OF THE U-BEND THAT YOU JUST SCREWED BACK IN!
OK, calm down. Take a big breath. You're just going to have to unscrew it.
Unscrew the damn thing, wiggle it free again, reclaim the washer, wiggle it back... wiggle it back... wiggle it.... wiggle- AAAAAAAAH GET IN THERE YOU BASTARD AHHHHHHHHH!
OK, U-bend back in.
And if you move it like this you can fit the rest of the array where it needs to go and - AH NICE TRY WASHER BUT NOT THIS TIME - then you just have to screw it back together nice and tight and run water into both sinks to make sure that nothing is leaking.
Job well done.
Bleh, now just to clean up the mess.
And try to air out the smell.
And bring down your blood pressure.
Maybe a cup of coffee would be nice.
Let's put the plug in the sink before washing the plunger and re-boil the kettle, which is stone cold again by this point.
Firstly, I am never ever emptying coffee grounds down the sink again - that pipe was disgusting and all silted up and ugh.
Secondly, I hate whoever crafted this under-sink shelving arrangement so much I could almost start a religion about it.
The rage will drain away quite quickly because I am almost medically incapable of holding a grudge but for now... I hate you, shelving/plumbing atrocity.