The Near Miss

OK that wasn't stressful at all.

Mum and I were out walking the dogs and were half a block from home when we noticed a little dog across the road.
It started yip yip yipping at us and was joined by another tiny little dog.
And with their powers combined they decided to run across the road in an attempt to join us and the Labrador of Doom and Apocalypse Pup.

So they ran right into the middle of the road.

Right in front of a car.

Hare Heavyweight Champion Of The World Krishna*!

Luckily the car stopped in time, I grabbed our two dogs and Mum ran out and scooped up the two tiny dogs.
The two tiny dogs which are puppies that can't be more than a few weeks old.

So while I restrained two incredibly excited Labradors that wanted to lick the puppies until they dissolved, Mum juggled them and knocked on the door of the house of the yard they were hanging out in**.

The guy who answered the door said "Oh yeah, they've been hanging out there for hours but I think they belong to the folks two doors down."

THEY'VE BEEN HANGING OUT THERE FOR HOURS AND YOU DID NOTHING?!

PEOPLE ROUTINELY SPEED ON THIS STREET AND THOSE DOGS ARE CLEARLY THICKER THAN A COUPLE OF BRICK SANDWICHES AT THIS AGE AND YOU DID NOTHING!?

MAY YOUR LOINS BE BARREN!

To his credit he did take Mum to the right house and help her put the dogs back into the yard with their litter-mates but it's too late, his loins are barren now.

The people who live in the puppy house - who only moved in a few weeks ago - were out and had apparently been out all day so there was no-one to tell about the near miss.

We hurried home to put our overexcited dogs in the yard and Mum decided to write a note about what happened and leave it at the puppy-house's front door so that they'll know to fix the fence up.

About five minutes later I got a call on my mobile phone.

From Mum.

"Uh, hi. There's about four tiny puppies out here trying to follow me home... So..."

Grab bucket of dry dog food, grab big sheet of cardboard, hustle out the door into the night.

When I get there the first thing I had to do was a Dr Zoidberg shuffle past the two cars parked in the driveway, then I had to use my phone to illuminate the fence and spot the hole.

The fence is a little bit bunged together, with one huge and very respectable chain-link fence section that has been recently installed but not secured between the house and the side-fence and as such it has a gap down one side that the new tenants have attempted to block up.

They'd done an OK job but there is one hole.

A hole I couldn't block up again yet because the wooden sheet that was supposed to be blocking it had fallen backwards and a whole parcel of unescaped puppies were wiggling excitedly on top of it while excited escaped puppies gleefully wiggled on my feet.

I tried to put the loose puppies back into the yard but they kept immediately popping out through the hole again and rolling about on my feet.

A couple of scoops of dog food flung over the fence and all of a sudden they were willing to leave the fence alone and those I gently plopped back over the fence ran food-wise to join the fun instead of heading back for Round 3 with my shoelaces.

Grab wooden board, grab big sheet of cardboard that I brought.

Grab pipe to wedge between board and adjoining fence.

Grab knocked over paint tins and pile them up in front of the hole just in case the little escape artists manage to get around the board again.

Check fence.

Double-check fence.

Scan the area for any missed puppies.

Throw a few more scoops of food into the happy scrum.

This whole time we've been able to hear Mumma Dog barking a few metres away, moving about but not getting closer and she hasn't showed up so our guess is that when they went out for the day they put her on a line and thought the puppies would stick close to her.

But the puppies got curious and/or hungry and went questing and she was unable to go drag them back.

After making sure the fence was double-extra completely secure and there were zero ninja puppies skulking about the place, Mum and I finally tucked the note into the door and wandered home.

So yeah, that was a little nerve-wracking almost seeing a couple of adorable puppies get minced and thinking that more of them could have met the same fate.

But hey, it worked out, all safe and sound and tucked away!

Good news for everyone!

Except that guy with the barren loins.

Sucks to be you dude.

But seriously?

For hours?

You're lucky you get to keep your barren useless loins.



*Why should Jesus get all the middle names?

**Does that sentence make sense? Yeah, it makes sense. You get it right?