Saturday, 7 April 2007

Condiment Withdrawl

I think they're putting drugs in the tomato sauce.
Think about it.
When was the last time you had a sausage roll or a pie without sauce?
Just to experience the delicate and complex interplay of flavours...
You can't remember can you?

It all starts out innocently enough. Everyone else seems to be doing it. So you have your first taste of the red devil. But everyone knows that once you're on the sauce it's awfully hard to get off it. And pretty soon one sachet per pie is not enough. You have to have another. And another.

Saying you eat meat pies because you like beef would be like saying you eat McDonalds hotcakes because you like pancakes.
Have you ever tried a McDs hotcake without syrup incidentally?
The one occasion I undertook this gastronomic challenge I was halfway through the polystyrene container before I realised that I had in fact finished the hotcakes. And it wasn't the change in taste which alerted me.

It's time we admit that all the pies, pasties, sausage rolls and buckets of chips that we soldier our way through every year are merely a front, a pretext, a screen to draw attention away from our tomato sauce addiction.
Australia needs to take a deep breath, step up to the mirror, look itself squarely in the eye and say in a firm voice 'We have a tomato sauce problem.'

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