Life has been so unbelievably boring since two of my best friends got boyfriends who treat them well.
That may sound cruel and slightly worrying to you but it wasn't until they met some boys who weren't social retards, raving emotional monsters or just plain old richard-heads that I realised exactly what percentage of our conversation time had been taken up discussing the latest transgressions, cries for dumpings to occur and general relationship faff.
But the thing is that all this lovey dovey contentedness has spilled over and affected other realms of conversation in unforeseen and annoying ways! One thing becomes 'good' and everything else is suddenly 'good' also!
Look I made you pie charts!
We have BEFORE*
And we have AFTER*
Verily there are other modes of conversation than getting really worked up about things and describing in exquisite detail exactly how you plan to kill everyone but seriously is that bitch who does the rosters any less of a bitch now that you are secure in the knowledge that your fella isn't out doing the dirty on you? I doubt it!
And if I sit there explaining in intricate detail the exciting backstabbing weirdo story of the week that has occurred at my workplace they react appropriately but it feels vaguely odd, like bitching to your Grandmother using hardcore swears and watching as she politely ignores the sassy language as any lady of a certain generation is wont to do...**
Even boring happily married friends natter about more, even if it is by way of what their lovely spouse did or what the lovely children did or what they're doing to their lovely house to make it more lovely...
I get the worrying feeling that they're all going to start talking about interior design and mortgages and the like and I'll be left sitting here with my comic book collection wondering when they all become so... parent-y...***
I'm glad they're happy, I approve of and like their fellas but I miss the intricately laid out plans for murder-death-killing...
*They get bigger if you click on them!
**Well not my Grandmother, my Grandmother's fun to bitch to, she suggests a smack upside the head for everyone! Equal opportunity flicks around the lughole!
***No I'm not sitting here with a twitching Peter Pan complex singing 'I don't want to grow up', I just don't want to grow... boring...