Saturday, 6 June 2009

The Descent Into Madness (Now Available In Cinnamon Flavour)

Oh Lord save me, I have succumbed to food porn.
I don't mean some fetish corner of the adult entertainment industry where people pelt each other with blueberry muffins whilst flashing come-hither glances, I mean I just can't stop looking up recipes and making long and complex lists of ingredients.
And it's going to kill me.

I'm either going to end up the size of a house or chasing after people holding surplus dishes, screaming 'Eat it! Eat it!'*

So many recipes.
I don't eat enough meals a week to actually make all of them.
And they just keep accumulating.
And what if I find something I like?
If I make it again that pushes back making something new even further.
And some of these recipes are similar but not quite the same so they warrant their own run and...
Oh the logistics!

This has unfortunately expanded to include baking which has made me a little unpopular in the workplace.
Whilst I like cakes and biscuits, if I make them I'm not able to finish them all before they start going Extra CrunchyTM so I take them into work for people to have with their coffee and whatnot.
And everyone at work is on a diet.

One person went on a diet and then another person went on a diet and then all of a sudden everyone was bringing salad and celery sticks and sachets of brown rice into work and looking slightly disappointed with cups of herbal tea.
Meanwhile I'm sitting here with a plate of biscuits and a cup of coffee.
And my lunch-time portions of food porn.
Things have gotten a little frosty.

I don't know how it's going to happen - coronary, exotic spice overdose, being choked to death by a coworker with some organic low-fat wheat noodles the texture of Hessian because she just can't take it any more - but if it's inevitable I might as well enjoy the time remaining.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go remember how to use Excel so I can make a needlessly complicated spreadsheet.
It might even include a pie-chart.
Oh man, pie...

*And that should be a few years off at least. I'm pretty sure you have to actually reproduce before that gene is activated.

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