Sunday, 10 January 2010

Down, Down And Away!

All righty, are you all buckled in and ready for the latest episode of conspiracy theory theatre?
The question is important, the key term is 'buckled in'!

OK, ready?
Here it goes!

The new car seat recline function devices are being designed by super villains!

Yes, I thought you'd be shocked.

Might sound a bit far fetched at first but stay with me.

Regard if you will the elegant and traditional car seat recline lever.

It is a handle attached to your seat that you can use to control your angle of tilt by engaging it and moving the chair with your body, as God intended, allowing for quick and easy manoeuvring and the option of suddenly dropping out of sniper view below the dashboard should the need arise.

Cast your eyes now on one of the new car seat recline devices.

It's a cog.
A cog, people.
Firstly, you either have to have the door of the car open or jam your hand down the painfully narrow gap between the seat and the door to operate it.
Secondly, you recline slowly in itty bitty increments guaranteeing that you would be well and truly aerated before it dropped you out of peril's way.

Conclusion? Supervillains, tired of their arch-nemeses escaping death by James Bonding their way out of harm's way and driving whilst reclined, cocktail in hand, have simply bought a controlling share in various car manufacturing businesses and/or carefully blackmailed the lead engineers.

Now, unmasking various automotive companies' CEOs as super villains would be time consuming, dangerous and ultimately rather difficult* and liberating engineers' families, friends or badly shot and embarrassing sex tapes from their blackmailers' slimy clutches would be equally fraught so what can you, the automotive consumer, do?

Essentially, try not to attract an arch-nemesis and where possible buy older model cars.
Or bulletproof glass.
You never know when it might come in handy.

*I mean there's evil and then there's EEEEEEEEEEEVIL!


Lauren said...

I totally hate this about my Volkswagen, but had no idea that it was due to super villains!

I wonder how much bulletproof glass costs...

Ricochet said...

They cover their tracks well but have you ever noticed how devious car salesfolk seem?
It only gets more sinister from there!