Car Gazing

I don't need a new car, I don't even really want a new car.

My good old Holden Berlina station wagon is hanging in there just fine even though I think it's almost old enough to get a driver's licence of its own.

But recently I've found myself kind of fascinated by some of the little 4WD thingies getting around the place.

I tend to judge cars by a specific set of criteria

• What shit can you fit in them?
• How sturdy/reliable do they seem?
• Do they have a reasonable amount of clearance? (None of that low-rider scraping your bumpers coming out of the driveway bollocks)
• ... Are they a nice colour? *coff coff*

Now with my station wagon it has a few handy features for those with weird random priorities.

My car looks like this except this weird teal-green-blue colour that no-one can agree on.

• The boot is big enough that you* could put an appropriately sized foam pad down in the back and sleep there if you were on the move.
• It has a roof rack for carrying other shit.
• It has enough space in the rest of the car to store stuff you move out of the boot so you can have your on-the-run/keep-moving-to-survive/OK-maybe-you're-just-on-a-roadtrip nap.
• It's been reliable enough the whole time we've had it even though it hasn't had to do a lot of off-roading or anything.

Yay my big dorky car!

Anyway, the two cars that have been noticing around the streets recently are of a completely different style.

They are:

The Jeep Wrangler

and

The Toyota FJ Cruiser.

Now neither of these vehicles has a lot of storage space.
Even with my bitty body I'd have a bit more trouble curling up for a nap.
There's no roof rack.
They only have two doors, even though they may have more than two seats.
But I keep looking at them.
I don't know why.

Maybe I'm envisioning myself bouncing across the landscape on the way to save the day (or on the way to run away from something that is trying to prematurely end the day).
Maybe it's something about the shape.
Maybe it's the fact that I can't stop sniggering every time I see a 'smurf' coloured one driving around.

Blue body, white hat!

No idea.

I mean it probably isn't going to lead anywhere but look at the little things!

And if I did end up getting one for whatever reason and becoming one-of-those-douches-who-has-a-4WD-and-doesn't-need-one at least I'd be one-of-those-douches-who-has-a-4WD-and-doesn't-need-one-but-can-still-fit-into-a-normal-size-carpark-and-not-take-up-a-ridiculous-amount-of-space.



*If you too are 5'1''

Dot Dot Dot Dot Dot Dash Dash Dash Crash

The other day I was driving down the highway when somebody coming the other way flashed their lights at me.

I don't know about any of you folks living in other countries but in Australia when someone flashes their lights at you it means one of five things:

1. There is a kangaroo or other animal near the road.
2. There is something else obstructing the road.
3. There is a police car, speed camera and/or booze bus up ahead.
4. I'm a big douche who is messing with you.
5. 'The fifth one' which I'll explain in a minute.
   

So anyway, this person has flashed their lights at me.

I'm already doing the speed limit and I haven't had anything to drink so if it's police presence they're warning me about, I'm not worried.

But just in case it's an animal or obstruction, I slowed down to give myself more time to react.

After a certain number of kilometres when nothing had presented itself I assumed that the light flashing had been to announce a Reason 1, that had resolved itself by the time I got there, or due to a good old-fashioned Reason 4.

This morning I realised that I had forgotten Reason 5, when parked facing a glass door I noticed that I had a headlight out.

The thing is, everybody always seems to forget about Reason 5*.

I know I've flashed my headlights at people because one of their headlights is out, in the hope that when they get home they'll check and confirm this fact.
And I can be fairly certain that in most circumstances they've done what I've done and continued pootling around with their busted headlight until they've managed to catch a glimpse or somebody in a position to do so has mentioned it to them in person.

I started wondering if we could devise and disseminate some kind of national-wide system of flashes that would allow us to differentiate between Reason 1 to Reason 4 (the response to which is simply to slow down**) and Reason 5 (the response to which is to get a new headlight as soon as possible as to avoid potential trouble with the police).

But multiple flashes of lights can be difficult to manage in the time between approaching and passing another car, or may not be fully visible depending on conditions.

So I started thinking about devising a system that would allow you to flash just one headlight, thus clearly indicating that you have noticed the other driver has one headlight out.

Maybe you could flash one headlight to indicate busted headlight, flash the other to indicate obstruction on the road, and flash both to indicate police car.

The more advanced and ambitious of us could develop a sort of car headlight Morse code.

But how would the electronics and controls of these wonderful new cars need to be altered or redesigned to achieve this goal?

And what if you're flashing your lights at somebody for Reason 1 through Reason 4 and they assume it's for Reason 5*** because you have a headlight out?

Then of course you might end up with cars running off the road or into the back of each other as they squint and try to follow or remember the significance of various blinking patterns.

Hmm.

Maybe I should just remember to check my headlights.

Occam's razor and all that****.



*Reason 5: Your headlight is out.

**And in the case of Reason 4, to feel miffed about it later.

***Or possibly don't see it at all, depending on which headlight you're flashing.

****I can't think of Occam's razor without thinking of Dr Standish from Douglas Adams' The Long Dark Tea-Time Of The Soul.