Sunday, 23 September 2007
The Day That The Swears Died
For anyone who has ever had anyone laugh at them for using the word fruitcake or any other suitably genteel swear-ternative, prepare for more company.
I wish to join your people.
The swears have died.
Their power to shock has faded away to nothing.
People are using the F word in primary school.
The C word is dancing in the street and tipping its hat to old ladies.
What on earth is the point of swearing if it doesn't get a reaction or at least help express the rage/surprise/fear or any of the other feelings that may have inspired you to open your hatch?
I have discovered over the course of some years that whenever I attempt to rein in my potty mouth and start making nice in social situations by using fakey swears, it gets a lot more attention than it would have had I used a canon swear and I actually feel that it has achieved its purpose.
One of the random non-swears to wander into my vocabulary is 'fart-knuckle'.
I can't tell you what it means, do not even want to visualise what it could embody but it is an incredibly satisfying thing to threaten a person with or to yell at a computer which has crashed halfway through something I kept meaning to save but sort of didn't get around to.
Almost any noun coupled with a verb can be uttered with the spirit of swearing but some are more effective than others.
Almost anything can work if uttered in the right tone.
Here are a few random examples I have just thrown together : crab-sprinkles, fruit-monkey, hat-spanker, cack-spackle.
They don't need to be double barreled, I just likes them that way.
It just seems that if swearing can no longer convey the depths of your feelings, no matter how loudly you utter the curses, we need to take it back a step.
Using a fake swear gives the illusion of swearing, often suggests the word you might have used instead and gives back the gift of taboo.
Once it's naughty again, it will have regained its power and will be elevated back to its proper position of power.
Until then, stop fart-knuckling around and get on with it.
Update: We have one taker for cack-spackle! Any new bids? Going once...! Going twice...!