In a blatant show of favouritism, today's horoscope is calibrated specifically for those in the Southern hemisphere...
You will notice a mysterious increase in the number of hayfever ads.
In the course of spring cleaning you will find something that you lost long ago. Pray that it isn't a sandwich.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me thrice, you should go into politics.
You will be unable to recall where you put something down despite having it 'just a moment ago'.
You will have trouble remembering precisely when daylight savings begins.
If you're feeling cross, imagine you're in a summer meadow full of daisies. If this doesn't help, imagine stamping on the daisies.
Change is inevitable, sometimes welcome, but too much of it stretches your wallet.
Other people's standards aren't always set in reality, neither are yours. Cut yourself some slack.
No matter how great our differences, we are all united by our frustrations with public transport.
It is foreseen that summer TV programming will include Reality TV! With bikinis, breast implants and an unnecessary amount of beach volleyball!
If you realign your furniture for maximum happiness, be prepared to stub your toe in the night when you forget you moved the d*mn couch!
There is a planet rising in your 'love' sector. But it's that new one and we're not quite sure what it does yet.