Sunday, 20 December 2009

Step Back Citizen, I Have A Certificate!


But, Ow!

Guess what I spent the last two days doing!

No, not that!

Dirty little internet monkeys.

A first aid course!

At this point you might be wondering two things.
Why Ow?
Why Yay?

Well, Ow because over the course of the two days of classes I managed to give myself what I've dubbed CPR stigmata*.

And Yay, because now I feel like I'll actually be able to do something useful should anyone be hurt.

If you collapse I can roll you onto your side like nobody's business, if you are cut I will apply ten kinds of pressure and bandage you up like Imhotep, and if your heart stops I guess I'll give you CPR but no tongue!

Since the last time I did any first aid training** they have completely changed the timings for CPR and a lot of DOs have become DON'Ts!
My lawyer has advised me not to list any actual medical advice here but I can tell you this.

Blue-ringed octopi are tiny!


The size of a child's fist at most!
Do you know how much time I could have saved as a child if I'd known this?
All the hours wasted running in and out of the water at the beach every time a piece of seaweed touched my leg just in case it was a blue-ringed octopus!

Tiny poisonous sea creatures aside, knowing the basics of what to do during an emergency is both comforting and probably the most practical thing I've added to my skill base in years, I recommend it to you all***.
There is no time, place or stage of societal breakdown where first aid skills will not be useful.
Think about it.
Also stay still, I need to practice my slings.

*A bruise in the centre of each hand from overlapping the two hands and going at that first aid mannequin's solar plexus hammer and tongs.

**Coff 1995-ish.

***Warning: You will temporarily be convinced you are capable of diagnosing and treating people. Sure you're only diagnosing them with dehydration and mini-strokes but you'll still sound like a pompous jackass.

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