Where am I?
Who are you people?
What are you doing in my room?
Good GOD, what happened to my hair!?
Oh, right... right... Yesterday was my sister's wedding...
You'll have to excuse me, what with yesterday's ceremony and my friend Awesome's nuptials I've spent most of this year preparing for and planning weddings and I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do now.
I... remember free time but can't quite wrap my head around how it applies to me.
After the months of phone calls, running home mid-week to try on shoes and dresses and pick jewellery and have make-up trials and bombard my sister with reminders of her appointments and to-do items... it's over.
The day itself went flawlessly, almost spookily well.
My mates Awesome and Eep chauffeured us from the hairdresser to the beauty salon to the other bridesmaid's house where we had to get ourselves and my sister dressed without undoing our hair or wiping off our make-up like the klutzes we usually are.
My Dad turned up and managed to restrain himself from making too many jokes as he drove us to the ceremony and then suddenly it was The Wedding.
My baby sister and her fella standing in front of all their friends and family, blue sky, soft breeze, lush garden, vows, readings, no-one faceplanting or stuttering, signings, photos, driving, more photos, reception, someone pushing a welcome glass of wine into my hand, speeches, crying, food, cake, more photos, fetching cars, packing gifts, kisses, collapsing into heaps.
My sister is married to a man who loves her and makes her happy and who we have long since assimilated and added his distinctiveness to our own.
You cannot believe the relief.
Now I think it is time for something a little different.
I might sit in a café and read a book, or take the dogs for a walk, or ignore all those plans and have a snooze, or get all these pins out of my hair and wash out the layers of hairspray.
Yes, that last one.
Then maybe the others, if I can be bothered.
Oh the freedom!